All That Glitters Is Not Gold...

It had been a long, tiring day and I was at wit's end from ricocheting back and forth between the girls and tending to their needs. We needed dinner and the in-laws were coming over to help put up the Christmas tree. Don't get me wrong-I love my husband's parents and am so fortunate to have an excellent relationship with them. This last strand of sanity I was clinging to was due to just needing a break for a few minutes to be alone and drive in the car for something as simple as some take-out spaghetti and meatballs and listen to some really loud music.

Scott agreed to watch the girls while I went on the food run and I jumped in his car and drove off into the night while cranking up the volume on my "Howl" cd. Ahhh...that was more like it. Now here's the part that gets me. Colored lights in store windows and the cold night air reminded me that Christmas was around the corner. For so many years that feeling used to make me sad and a bit lonely. I wanted the big family and a warm home with lots of people who wanted me there but I grew up with a single dad who was working six days a week so he could pay the bills. At the time, I didn't realize that I was more fortunate than many kids, I just felt the sting of all that was missing.

Once I got married, it changed a bit, but the feeling still haunted me. Once we had our first child, it improved significantly and I began to enjoy Christmas through her eyes. It wasn't until this year that I finally had a breakthrough. Let me get back to my wild pasta outing to properly explain. As I drove back with the smell of hot italian food in my car, I felt like I was missing out on the family gathering at my house. It became clear that being with my husband, our children, and our relatives was the best place I could be at that moment and a break wasn't really a break after all. Now don't get me wrong-I'm not saying I don't need breaks. It's just that at that moment, I realized that I needed to be with my family. When I walked through the door and saw everyone and melted into the scenario, I felt at home and a sense of relief and comfort washed over me.

One of my favorite books had a line in it that said "All that is gold does not glitter and all that glitters is not gold". This was a line by Strider in the Lord of the Rings. That outing seemed precious when I planned it but lost it's luster in reality. It's the bittersweet double-edge sword of going anywhere without your kids that most mom's can readily ascertain. Coming home is so sweet.

What Are Cowboy Hats For?

London and I were cleaning out my closet the other night and she discovered the jewelry boxes that belonged to my grandmother. We began investigating their contents and trying on various trinkets together. Scott walked in on us and laughed and I smiled and said that I was so glad I had girls that I can do this sort of thing with. London got her hands on a blue beaded bracelet and has been wearing it everywhere for the last two days. When I tried on my cowboy hat that was in a remote crevice of the closet, covered in dust and dog fur, she asked what it was. I told her it was a cowboy hat that I'd been looking for months ago and she then replied "it's for riding cows!"

Zoe said Dada today for the first time when Scott was holding her on the bed and it was the coolest thing. He seemed surprised and I commented that I had definitely heard it too. Mama was her first word and I know he's been waiting to hear Dada come out. So sweet.

Did I mention my latest multi-tasking adventures? Oh man...the list is long. I was cruising through the parking lot at Costco when I decided to go there last minute to get supplies. I had Zoe in the Ergo carrier and London in the cart and I was pushing it with one hand and feeding Zoe a bottle with the other hand. It must have been a sight. The best part is that I felt so accomplished because I was doing this calmly with a sense of confidence. It was the equivalent of running a 5k marathon or finishing a giant project at work. It represented the pinnacle of coping with motherhood with some experience under my belt. The girls did well the whole time and I made it home without any anxiety attacks-wahoo!!!

Ok, last one to share in this installment. Tonight we went to Scott's friend's house for dinner and I was praying that we'd get through it in one piece. London had orange juice before we left which resulted in a sugar high and some wild behavior in transit. Zoe was talking up a storm in her carseat. I was still trying to cool off with my air vents on high in the front because it was like pulling teeth to get both girls dressed and out of the house in time. My temperature returned to normal and then I heard the all too familiar grunting from Zoe. Oh man, not now! Sure enough, I had to change a poopy diaper in the back of my car on the tailgate while we were parked in front of these people's house. Lovely! We managed this hurdle and then went inside and had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed some really good company. I love happy endings.

Flowers and Friends...

I was in bed the other night and I began thinking about friendship in botanical terms. It occurred to me that some are like perennials and some are more like annuals. For those not well acquainted with gardening terminology, an annual is a plant that blooms once a year and a perennial is one that lasts for many years. There are those friends that remain a constant and do not fade with the passage of time. They are rare and will withstand the high's and lows that life brings, including arguments and changes in one's persona. It is the perennial that I favor and hope for in all friendships, but I realized with my head on my pillow that not all individuals are meant to be a perennial. This thought disturbed me.

Why do some friends stand the test of time and others do not? Is it the fact that I change with time and thus my standards and expectations change too? Perhaps the friend changes? There is of course a third possibility-the friend is constantly growing and so am I and sometimes the growth is not in the same direction. Hmmm...this seems like a plausible concept. I can still remember the wonderful feeling of excitement I would get when starting my summer day at age 13 as I went to my "best friend's" house to lay out on her roof with baby oil and listen to Nu Shooz on the rooftop as we discussed which boy was cute at school. It was a simple recipe and yet so fulfilling. Now it's complicated by busier lives and much less time.

It seems that we lost the need for the girl friends in our lives. Sure, we have playgroups and acquaintances, but the long-term friends move away or fade with time and one day we look up and notice their absence. Perhaps some of the perennials were just annuals and we didn't know it? Maybe some of the one's we think are annuals will become perennials with time. I hope so.

Every day there is a moment...

I've learned to look forward to these random times amidst the chaos of everyday life-a moment where it all stops and there is just pure happiness and peace. The latest occurrence happened yesterday when we were driving home from Gramma's house and listening to music in the car. I had the girls with me and London was rocking out in her car seat, then she starts moving the arms and legs of her stuffed leopard beanie baby and says "leopard is dancing" with a big smile on her face! I totally laughed and knew there was no better place in the world at that time than our car. She beamed back at me through my rear-view mirror.

When the day starts off hard or I'm in a funk, I stop and remind myself that a moment will show up unexpectedly just like a rainbow and fill our lives with light and hope.

Zoe is a riot herself in a different way. She rolls from her back to her stomach and then gets stuck which causes her to start squawking at me for help. In the morning, she wakes up and starts fussing a bit and when I walk over to her bassinet, she gives me this huge gummy smile which is utterly irresistable. I pick her up and we start our adventure...

Contentment

There is nothing sweeter than the feeling of her furry little head as she rests upon my shoulder in the rocking chair and her little body relaxes into mine as sleep takes over. I love feeding Zoe before I go to sleep because it's our quiet bonding time. It's also a brief period that won't last and that makes it so much more valuable. I was sad when London transitioned from the bottle because it meant we had moved on to a new stage in our lives-a bittersweet feeling.

London does come to me for tons of hugs and kisses throughout the day which ease the loss of the afore-mentioned time and that is a wonderful feeling too. There's nothing better than when your little girl jumps on your lap for a book reading or comes up to hug your legs and says "I love you mommy". Every day has a few of these moments waiting like little jewels, laying in wait amongst the mundane chores and normal occurrences. So fulfilling and something wonderful to look forward to.

Buster the Bunny and Some Delicious Pancakes

Woohoo!!! I can actually say I've found my stride as mom of two and can successfully go places with both girls without feeling like I'm going to freak out. If you have one or more children and are reading this, you are probably nodding your head in agreement. The first three months are like boot camp. If you don't die, you'll probably be fine! Seriously though, it's great. London helps me out when I drop the pacifier on the furry floor or need a wipe for the rainbow colored diaper that I"m changing for Zoe. Zoe has started smiling and almost laughing and is way more interactive in the last two weeks. I have lots of sweet moments and daily feel so grateful for being able to have this life with my family.

Almost every morning that I get up with London, she requests the same thing for breakfast and does so in third person. "London wants delicious pancakes" is the refrain that greets my ears as we head to the kitchen. Good thing I love pancakes, so there's always a stash here.

Roxy is still an allergic, itchy, hot-spot plagued mess with ear infections that never go away but she's incredible with the kids. She'll lay on the bed right next to Zoe and just chill. Occasionally she gives her a big lick on the face and then resumes her doggie-nap on the bed. I love that dog!

Today was funny-London was playing at her grandparents house in the back yard and when I came out there, she was naked in a bucket of water and splashing around in it as happy as could be. What a sight! Did I mention that our wild rabbit in the backyard, "Buster", is a permanent fixture? We leave carrots for him and he actually lounges all stretched out back there as if he's on vacation. I've never seen a rabbit relax in such a manner-very bizarre. He's a great sort-of-pet though since he takes care of himself and we get to admire him from afar. Ok, more to follow soon. It's movie time.

Sand and Love

Zoe is wiggling around on my lap and we just got back from the beach where we saw all our friends from the playgroup. It's a beautiful spring day outside and I smell suntan oil and sand on us which is always a good thing. London is passed out in her crib from digging holes and building castles. Roxy is asleep upside down on the couch as usual.

Life is going well and I can't complain. Yes, there have been some speed bumps here and there with the baby adjustment but we're fine. I keep reminding myself to just enjoy the here and now because it really does go by so quickly and I don't want to wish it away because of some sleepless nights. My girls are such a gift and I'm so excited to be able to raise them and see how they will turn out. It's fun to think of all the things we get to do together and how cute they will be when they start playing together-minus the inevitable squabbles.

My husband just planted flowers for me outside and is making our yard pretty. He probably doesn't realize that when I say "I love you" to him that I mean it as much as I did the first time I said it, but maybe he'll catch on. Isn't it funny how we get used to saying it and hearing it? The most meaningful phrase loses its luster when heard regularly. How sad. What can we do to revive it? That's my thought for the day...

Whee! Here We Go...

I'm here, just got waylaid a bit by childbirth! So, everything went really well and it was kind of like going on the giant scary roller coaster and then wahoo! You get off of it and feel exhilarated and tired and a multitude of emotions all at once. The sleep deprivation is hard for sure, but for some reason it's not as shocking to my system as it was the first time around. Go figure.

Zoe Skye is fabulous and she is a cute little bundle who changes a tad daily. She looks so much like her sister did at this age that it's uncanny-you can't tell them apart in pictures. London is doing really well with the introduction of a new family member. It must be hard to have someone else taking up mommy and daddy's time, but she's hanging in there. Afternoons are no fun but they were always challenging, so let's not jump to conclusions and say that it's about the loss of a spotlight.

One thing I will say is that she's only 2 and should not be expected to suddenly act like a "big girl"or take on "big sister responsibility" just yet. How can you expect that of a little person who's only been here for two years? Ridiculous! They are both babies in their own ways and while I'm one for a certain amount of discipline and not spoiling or coddling children, I think right now London needs extra love and that does equal more "uppies" from mom and dad.

Roxy took the new addition without batting a single fabulous white eyelash! She is a rock star dog and is gentle with both girls. By the way, she never became "just a dog". Just wanted to dispel that oft used and ill-named myth that does not apply to our four-legged family member. You can call this a vent post if you like, but it needed to be said. Ha ha! All is well and we are blessed. Now if we can just get more than two hours sleep at a time, we'll be in business.

Pineapple and Ice Cream

This might be the last post for a while, depending on when this child decides to join the world. I'm just waiting and keeping busy with our daily lives and reminding myself that it's a trade-off. I'll be able to walk, bend over again and see my feet, in exchange for no sleep (you can't count 2-3 hours of sleep as rest. That's like an extended nap. Five or more only begin to qualify!). Hmm...it's rough either way you look at it.

At this point, I'm leaning toward the no sleep scenario because I keep getting stuck on the kitchen floor when I bend down to get a stray Cheerio or put on a shoe. I'm actually avoiding tasks that require bending, leaning or twisting! It's ridiculous. Laugh.

While shopping for groceries earlier, I grabbed a giant yellow pineapple on display at Henry's. Tomorrow I'm going to test out the pineapple theory. Supposedly it can help induce labor and that sounds better than Pitocin, a gnarly synthetic drug that the doctor's use for induction. There must be some reason it's (the fruit) listed on the internet as a natural alternative! C'mon, work with me here, my friends are starting to wonder if I'm ever going to have this baby! Oh, and just in case the fruit theory doesn't work, I got some Ben & Jerry's Vanilla with Chocolate Waffle Cone and Caramel Ice Cream. I could start a new theory if that works!!!

Carrots and a Watermelon

I've been in a whirlwind lately, which is nothing compared to what is coming up any day now with the impending birth. London had her 2nd birthday and it was great in so many ways. She fascinates me daily with what she says and how much her little brain is progressing. When she saw me put carrots on the checkout counter at Albertsons, she excitedly said "bunny carrots!" We have a little routine of feeding our old ones to the floppy eared resident in our back yard planter.

Lately, I've just been relishing our time together and trying to be positive about transporting a watermelon. People ask if it's easier the second time around and my response is that knowing what to expect makes it a bit more bearable. It's still an awkward state and I much prefer to be able to bend down without grunting like an elderly person with gout when tying my shoes. Wait, who am I kidding? I can't bend down! I can sit and bend my leg sideways to reach my foot. Flip flops are a lifesaver and my real shoes have a thick layer of dust on them in the closet. It's ok, only 3 weeks left and I'm done. A finish line in sight makes such a difference.

It also helps to know that this new little person will constantly be developing into a fascinating creature that will make me laugh and will help sustain the cute wildlife in our yard. We all get to watch her reveal her personality and become a part of our family. How cool is that? I'm excited to meet her.

Share

Tonight was a really cool dinner night. My husband and I decided we wanted to have burgers and I suggested In & Out Burger. He agreed and we drove there with our munchkin in the back seat who kept pointing out airplanes in the sky and the moon. It was a little late and I was worried that she was going to get cranky, but I hoped for the best. She read "Moo, Baa, La La La" while we waited in the drive thru line and was a total angel. London watched in fascination with her window down as the people inside made the food, then happily said "hi" to the cashier. When we got our food, she asked me for some and then said "back?" Scott looked at her and then at me for decoding.

Let me explain. Many times when London and I go out to run errands, I get food for us and then sit in the back seat with her in the parking lot while we eat together. She does really well this way and I get to keep her in her car seat-don't forget that I'm 8 months pregnant and a contained toddler is crucial at this point! Back to the story. I crawl into the back with her and Scott hands me my food and my drink. London says to me "share"? I hand her the strawberry shake and a fry. She says "thank you" and then requests "citsup" and looks at me with a distraught face when I take a sip of the shake. "Share"? This continues as we eat dinner and she alternates between telling me she's happy while doing a wiggle dance in her seat and sucking down the strawberry shake.

We finish our splurge and then head home. I remain in the back seat and our daughter comes up with a new game for me to play with her as she tickles my hand and laughs when I pull away. It was one of the most peaceful and fun evenings I've had in the last few days. Just think what we would have missed if we didn't go for burgers?

Practicing Peace

I was reading an article about women-mothers actually-in the Bible and this narrative briefly described the defining events and missteps of their lives. It was interesting to look at from this different perspective and it made me think about a few things. How would we be described now? What mothers are noteworthy in today's society and why? What are my priorities as a mom? Am I thinking beyond the daily routine and finding opportunities to go above and beyond for my daughter? Some of these are rhetorical questions but worthy of consideration.

Another thing that came to mind was how to maintain inner peace regardless of what is happening outside of me. I can say that I have learned to remain calm when removing my child from a situation where she is kicking and screaming and writhing in my arms because she wanted to take her shoes and socks off at the playground and run around barefoot. That was a true testament to my growth in the past year as a mom. I used to be terrified of that kind of stuff, now I smile and make eye contact with the people I pass as we're putting on our spectacle the whole way to the car. Luckily, this is a rare occurrence and most of the time London is peaceful.

In the beginning, I pretended. Having no clue how to process the situation in my head, I simply put on a calm face and acted as if I was fine when she would freak out over something. Secretly, I wondered if anyone knew that it was a facade, but after a while it didn't matter. Maybe the facade became a reality and I learned from practice to actually be calm just by acting that way. It's funny, all the psychology training in college and then in grad school has come in handy sometimes, but as many people know, it's hard to apply those principles to your own life. The subjectivity gets in the way. Oh well.

To answer part of my opener, I am a mom who is always there for her child and is taking each opportunity as it comes to set a good example. To me that means I show love as often as I can and forgive quickly and think before I act or react. There's a line in Ephesians 4:6 that I've always liked and it helps prop me up when the storms hit. "Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand."

Nummies and Giraffies!

This last week flew by! I had a birthday, spent time with my cousin from Boston, and went to the Wild Animal Park. Did I mention that I ate brownies, cheesecake, and lots of graham crackers? Emmy (the cousin) and I were on a major sugar kick for five days. It kept us going so that we could entertain and contain London, my daughter who is fast approaching her second birthday and is a grazer like me.

It became a running joke to yell out "nummies, nummies, NUMMMIES"!!! This is London's initial manner of requesting food when she is hungry, which is quite often. I've tried spacing out the meals and the result is a miserable toddler with a grumpy mother who then seek out other people to frustrate in an effort to have some company in their misery pit. Regular doses of nummies is far more preferable and conducive to everyone's well-being, as well as the little one's metabolism.

The only downside is that I like what I feed her and I find myself stealing her food occasionally. Graham crackers are really good while driving. Juice boxes taste great when you get to steal the first two or three sips "so she doesn't spill it when she holds the box". The miniature blueberry frozen waffles are fabulous and we all know that a good pb and j never goes out style! Just call this the food edition of Tidbits.

It was awesome to go to the Wild Animal Park and see the giraffes running in a pack downhill. Lions were lounging on a grassy knoll eating some massive treats and looking adorable and fuzzy. The cheetahs bug me because they're never up-lazy bums! We fed ducks and I walked the whole way up and down the hills without hijacking any senior citizens for their motorized Rascal. That's it for now.

Temporary Clouds...

I think I have writer's block. There are numerous things swirling around in my overcrowded brain right now but none worthy enough to make it into type. Perhaps a brief update will have to suffice for now until this lull subsides.

Roxy, my darling American Bulldog, is recovering from her chronic ear infection which is awesome because it means the vet and I have finally discovered something that works. My ever-expanding belly is huge and even though I've done this once before, I find it impossible to believe that it can get any bigger. Yikes! London is addicted to our park outings and says "swing" and "slide" around 150 times a day.

It feels as if I've been in a funk for a few days and I found a verse that jumped out at me. "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)

This spoke to my grumpy mood and shifted the focus off of myself. It's so easy to get entangled in my own concerns and then my attitude can plummet. Teaching discipline to my daughter is a regular part of our day, but I need to remember to have self-discipline in terms of my own behavior and outlook. It does help knowing that she is watching and learning from me and I'm definitely motivated to be better for her sake.

Cha-ching!

So I've been consumed for the last hour by Craigslist and Chocolate Chip Bunny Graham Crackers! It all started with the idea of selling one of my baby toys that we never used, then it progressed to a pair of shoes that are in perfect condition with three inch heels collecting dust in my closet. Haven't exactly had anywhere to wear those at 7 months pregnant. That led to "oh yeah, I have leather pants to get rid of"! Scott was nice enough to help me take pictures on his prized I-Phone and upload them because I am technologically challenged, then I posted my treasures online. The waiting begins...will I get a bite in cyberspace?

Sitting here at 9pm eating handfuls of the bunny grahams in my flannel jammies and hammering out descriptions of my former party clothes was quite fun, especially as I envisioned the cool new baby stuff I could buy with the money. Occasionally I was distracted by the sudden thump and wave-like motion of my stomach as my upcoming daughter would move and thank me for the late night treats with a kick or punch.

By the way, I do plan to buy another pair of leather pants at some point because a mom does need to feel like a rock star when she goes out with her husband to an event. In the meantime, I'm cool with the wash-n-wear wardrobe.

Fishies and Meow-Meows, Please?

Today was a good day. We hung out with friends, went to the park, and saw "fishies and meow-meows" at Petco. The look of excitement on her face was so worth it. She smiled and said "happy" to me when I put her in the swing. London and I have been spending a lot of quality time together and I'm savoring our time alone before her sister arrives. I don't know what to expect, but my imagination runs wild at times and I envision the worst case scenario: a sink full of dishes, a crying newborn, a fussing toddler who doesn't understand why she can't be held too, a dog with a new ear infection that can't decide if she wants to be inside or outside, and myself in sweats that are covered in baby formula, applesauce and dog drool.

The upside to having this aforementioned picture in my mind is that if I imagine the worst and real life is better than that, I will be pleasantly surprised and grateful. Then I can ease into attaining a normal routine that isn't so extreme. Yes, there will be good days and bad ones, that's a given. It's just the unknown that makes my brain go wacky and picture these frazzled mom moments.

On the other hand, I have decided I don't care so much about furry floors, does it matter if I can tell whether they are dark wood maple or just white and dusty from Roxy's shedding? Dishes in the sink...I can learn to live with it for a while if it means my daughters are happy and laughing with me instead. Laundry piling up-no biggie because Scott rocks at helping with that kind of stuff. Cooking dinner is never my forte (unless you count breakfast for dinner or mac-n-cheese with turkey burgers a good meal) so cross that one off the list, he's better at it anyway and enjoys it. Lucky me. A new attitude about all that frees me up to try and have some fun with this new fork in the road that we're about to encounter. Isn't that the point? We should be having fun and enjoying our family. That's what I'm after.

Diapers, bottles and other nesting materials...

I've been suffering from a major case of nesting for the last few weeks. When it first began and I made a comment about cleaning, one of my friends asked if I was nesting. I wasn't sure at the time, lots of people re-arrange and wipe down their spice shelf and under the kitchen sink at 11pm at night, don't they? It progressed to every cupboard in the house and under the bathroom sinks, usually at a late hour. I even scrubbed the kitchen cabinet doors in my mismatched pajamas and leopard animal slippers on a stepladder! This is not normal behavior for me. I like a clean house, but Martha Stewart I am not. My husband laughed at me and shook his head when he saw my random housekeeping marathons.

The funny thing is that I did this before London was born, why didn't everything stay clean since then? Things were organized-what happened? (Rhetorical question, no responses to this one please.) So now the thing consuming my brain for the past few days is that I must go get new non-BPA baby bottles and newborn diapers THIS week and put them away so I can actually put them out of my mind. "But you have 10 weeks before the baby is due" some might say. Try telling that to my hormonally impacted brain suffering from cleaning-itis and organizational madness. The logic and the thought processes are just not going to come to an agreement on this one.

So tomorrow it's off to WalMart I go in search of my few remaining nesting materials. In the back of my brain I can feel the call of my own closet which is a disaster calling to me. "Come separate maternity clothes from non-maternity". Ughh, how fun. I'm ignoring that one for now. I'm curious what other mom's have experienced in this preparation frenzy? Please share.

Sparkle on a Gray Day

Today we decided to take the tree down and my husband and I are removing ornaments while our nearly two year old daughter is weaving in between our legs to gain access to ornaments. She is determined to get a hand on anything within reach, as they rightfully do at this age, and we are trying to remain patient while telling her no and re-directing her as much as possible. Ha! It only works for about ten seconds before she gets a grip on a butterfly with golden sparkle wings covered in glitter and runs off triumphantly with a look of glee on her little face.

I knew this simple task would take three times as long as it should, but am working on increasing my patience and not getting stressed over escapee butterflies or sticky fingers. Deep breaths and I remind myself that it's going to be more difficult in a few months, just wait until her little sister comes. I will "look back and think that I had it easy", but I'm finding that hard to believe.

Now fast forward a few minutes- we are in my bathroom. She sits down on the blue bathmat with her two broken butterflies and is fully engaged in removing a wing and replacing a wing intermittently. I am doing something when she looks up at me sweetly and says "sit". This simple request is suddenly clear, I am being asked to stop and just be with her in the moment on our cold bathroom floor to investigate the complexities of broken glitter butterfly ornaments whose wings are irreparable.

As we sit together and play with them, I am reminded that this is what I like most about motherhood. Small moments and a feeling of comradery in the middle of the day when you have no idea it's coming. A time-out from adult cares. It made my day brighter.