A Memory Starts With A Dream

It's my last half hour of calm and quiet. The countdown starts. I have to pick the kids up in 30 minutes. I can write before then. Koa's sleek brown brindle body is stretched out on the warm stones of my courtyard and she is basking in the sun as we both enjoy the ocean breeze. My mini oasis. It took us years to craft our home into a little sanctuary that we love. Ok, switch gears. Time to dream.

What shall I dream of? The Europe trip that eludes me for so many years? At some point we shall have to say "to heck with the responsible thing to do" and use the money that would bail us out of some future mess. We could walk down the cobblestone streets and smell the fresh bread wafting out of the shop windows as we hold hands and quietly discover the city together. Maybe it's better that we've waited for it; now I won't run around like a crazed lunatic trying to absorb 10 countries in a week and thus wiping myself out mentally and physically to require naps that ultimately rob me of more precious time. The crazy American woman with the list in hand and the need to photograph herself in front of specific landmarks to prove she's well traveled and that she has accomplished one of her life goals. 

Instead, I shall replace her with a slightly wiser version of me that is content to go more slowly and cover less terrain for the sake of the experience instead of a multitude of destinations. It will allow me to share the experience with my best friend instead of focusing so much on me, me, me and where I MUST GO! French cafe music plays softly in the background, no really, it does right now, and I have learned that contentment in the current environment is half the battle. 

Add kids to the idyllic picture and it gets complicated. Fun and enchanting and stressful and oh so tiring, but memorable and fuller. The only thing missing would be our dog. No, we cannot bring Koa to France. Sigh. All four of us roaming about the Scottish countryside and breathing in the green hill sides does sound idyllic. I can picture the girls complaining about the food and Scott reveling in the beer and as long as I can find some good carbs I shall be quite happy. Yes, this is the dream for now. 

An Act of Bravery

For the past several weeks London has been begging to get her ears pierced. She is the same age that I was, 7 years old and it seems a logical request. We discussed the responsibility and she nodded in agreement about the particulars. I asked myself if I was ready for it, because truthfully it is a milestone in my own head that signifies that my daughter is growing up. Like many before me, I am elated and nervous by this fact. Her little swaddled sweetness on my husband's shoulder at 3am still sits in my mind clearly, but now she is reading stories out loud to me and successfully navigating 1st grade.

We went swimming first and I savored the fact that they wanted me in the water-so much so that they were yelling loud enough to make it impossible to ignore their pleas. We played games, did shoulder rides, I threw them like flying fish through the water. The giant smiles that lit their faces up and made the blue and green eyes twinkle filled me with joy to spend my day with them at the pool and just have fun together.

After the showers that seemed to last an eternity, we piled in the car with Gramma Karen and headed to the pinnacle of ear piercing; Claire's Boutique at the mall. I captured a photo of London by the entrance and etched it into my own memory at the same time. She selected her first pair of earrings and then we sat in the chair together because she was nervous. I held her on my lap and hoped it wouldn't be too bad. Zoe stood by and observed her big sister. The two women worked in unison and voila! My girl had pierced ears with pretty turquoise flowers. She cried a little and I hugged her, hoping she could feel the empathy mixed with pride that was flowing through me. She perked up soon after and excitement replaced her sadness. From the back seat on the way home, Zoe asked London if it hurt and London said "a little bit".  My girl was brave.

It's a cold, grey day and I don't want to get out of bed. My dark brown Lab mix puppy is smashed against me on the warm down comforter and I could stay here for hours and bask in her comfort. After my alarm goes off 8 times, I get out of bed and try to shake it off but it's a pesky little bugger that follows me around inside my head. I drop the girls off, it hits me hard at the stoplight. I'm staring at the red and suddenly feeling so down and gloomy, for no good reason.

I remind myself that it's temporary, this happens but it goes away. I think about all the things I am grateful for and force myself to keep moving. The problem with depression is that it's not logical and you can't reason with it. Most of the time I am fine but these rare moments creep up and pounce on me, then try to permeate my being and mess with my head. I fight back with prayer and experience, knowing that it's going to pass. The gloom recedes but it's asking me if I'm sure, Yes, I'm sure, now go away. You're not welcome here. It finally fades away and my head is clear. Relief fills me and I take a deep breath to start over.

I know the sun is going to come out. It always does.  It has taken years to reach this point. This battle is one that I fought since I was very young and only now can I share it because I know that I am not alone and it may help others. For those who have never experienced it, these words might sound like a foreign language or an over-dramatic description of a rough day. It is not that way. There is a scripture that I've read for many years and it helps during rough times.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

Anatomy Lessons Make Me Tired.

"Mommy, I don't want to have babies. How do I keep from having babies?" This is coming from my golden haired four year old in the back seat on our way to preschool. I'm quickly scanning my brain for options and decide that she is not truly seeking details. "Ok honey, that's fine." I tell her. "Mommy, how do I keep from having them?" "Uh, well, you wait to get married and ask God for them later if you decide to have them." Silence for a few seconds. "Ok" she responds. Phew! Thank goodness. I didn't think she really wanted the gory details replete with embarrassing and poorly named anatomical parts.

We arrived at the green mermaid building and hopped out of the car. Zoe clad in her pajamas with fruit on the pants, Hello Kitty tank top, and a turquoise bathrobe with little scotty terriers on it. She saunters in and asks to be held up so she can view all of the baked good inside the case. We make our selections and then wait. In between moments, I catch others reactions to her and their smiles make me happy. It is so sweet to have these morning getaways together before school. We get our drinks and she walks out like a pro with her short hot chocolate in hand. It takes me nearly ten minutes to back out of my spot because I have been wedged in like a sardine by the other drivers in line for the drive thru to get their liquid fix. We escape and head off to school.

After driving London to school, taking Koa to day camp, and delivering Zoe to preschool, I run one errand after which I am beat. With an hour and a half to myself, I could be productive, but the recent bout with the flu has other plans for me. A few minutes later, I am parked under a shady tree at a nearby park and my seat is fully reclined. I reach backwards, grab a pink fuzzy kids sweatshirt and cover my eyes with it. Alarm set. Good night! What if someone comes and questions me? Really, with two car seats and pink everywhere, how dangerous can I be? Ok, who cares. I'm too tired to worry. Zonk.

An hour later I am electronically summoned back to reality. Really? Is it time already? Ok, I can rally. When I stand by the classroom door and peek in, I see my sunshine at the front of the class next to the teacher and she is singing with the class and so proud to be the friend of the day. It is a moment that gets stored in my brain and will be replayed many times. It helps offset the utter meltdown that she had this morning when she wanted a yogurt tube but we had already left the house. That was the valley in the emotional roller coaster of our day. I just try to help her get past the frustration and find our way to the next peak.

A New Girl in Town...

It was hard to find the right dog to fit our needs and our family. We loved Roxy so much and no other dog could replace her or pick up where she left off. Accepting that we would have to pour into our new addition and teach her the ropes, we agreed to take "Aurora a.k.a. Rorie" and welcome her into our lives. She met my basic requirements: crate trained, over six months old, partially housebroken and of course, adorable. My husband got the puppy he wanted and I did not have to lose sleep at night with a whining bundle of fur that needed to go outside every hour. Win-win for all. The name was changed to a Hawaiian word, "Koa", it means brave and fearless. It was especially significant to me because I desperately wanted another dog but was so afraid that my anxiety would overwhelm me and the stress might trigger my panic attacks. I prayed to overcome it and this name stood out to me as the perfect one.

She has golden eyes that look at us in a sweet, inviting manner. Her long tail and big floppy ears beg to be smushed. Chocolate brown fur that is short and glossy with a strip of black down the middle of her back shines in the sun. At 45 pounds and 7 months old, she is still a puppy, but her size is that of a boxer and there is potential for another 10-15 pounds of weight and size to gain. This Labrador mix is a goofball who gets a wild hair and tears through our house in a tornado of speed, crashing into walls as she turns the corners and does not clear them. It reminds us all of Roxy's spunk and fun and helps us remember her with a warm feeling in our hearts as we love this new girl in town.

When Zoe rides her scooter in the courtyard, Koa follows behind with a playful gait. This bothers Zoe because the two have not fully bonded yet and Zoe may be a little intimidated by the medium sized animal following behind on four paws. In time they will come to an agreement. London has fallen in love and fawns over this dog just as I hoped she would.We sit together on the floor and mush on her together and talk to her in ridiculous voices that are usually reserved for babies.

The aqua color memory foam bathmat intrigues her after she steps on it in an inquisitive manner and then discovers that it moves. This results in a full frontal pounce with two paws and a nose to get underneath this flat beast that is taunting her. Several jumps and sniffs later, she moves on to other exploits. Luckily I got this on video and it provides our family with much amusement and a first hand glimpse of her personality at home. Every morning she comes to my side of the bed to greet me with ice cold ears and licks because she has just had her 5am morning walk that Scott is kind enough to take her on. It starts my day off with a smile and I am eternally grateful to my husband for letting get the extra hour of sleep. The void that Roxy left is slowly being stitched up by the thread of Koa's presence, but her memory and the love we had for her will always remain in our hearts, pictures, and memories.

I

A Good Friend Leaves...

It was the end of Spring, we were ready for beach days and rainbow colored Otter Pops in the hot afternoons on the back patio. No one prepared us for the sudden shock. Roxy went from being our happy couch potato to a very sick and lethargic dog within 24 hours. It turned out she had cancerous masses in her spleen and liver and was bleeding internally. I knew it was serious when she turned away as I went to pet her. Never in million years would she refuse love. This was heartbreaking for all of us. We brought her home for a few hours to lay together on the floor and share unspoken time together.

That evening, we bid her farewell and said our goodbyes with tears streaming down our faces and hearts tearing apart inside. I took her to the vet and stayed with her during the whole process of sending her off to Heaven. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and makes me cry as I describe it. We are comforted by the knowledge that she is in the most perfect place with a new body and the joyous spirit that she had here on Earth. She is now eating anything she wants and running as fast as she can with every type of animal and Roxy is happy. We are left here to remember her and to reminisce on all the joy she brought to us. We love you and will always miss you dear Roxy.

xoxo

your family.

In Media Res...

An explosion of sound danced in my ears and my brain took a few moments to process the incredible sounds as my eyes gazed at the colored lights. The sound was so strong it vibrated throughout my being and it was like a wake-up call, reminding me of who I had been at 19 and other ages as well. I was thoroughly alive for the next two hours as I went through a myriad of emotion on a musical journey with one of my favorite bands I've ever heard or seen. It was like re-discovering a long forgotten part of my soul. Scott pointed out the tech working the lights and we were fascinated by the machinery that he manipulated as he sang every word and moved with the songs like a fourth band member working from afar. Halfway through the set the fire alarm rang out and people didn't seem concerned, the band played on and we looked around but everything seemed fine. If the techs weren't moving and the band was still going, I figured we were good. After the song, the singer commented that it happened to them all the time. Funny. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club has an awesome female drummer, did I mention how great she is? Need to see them again.

We began the evening by going to dinner and watching the sun gently settle among the clouds over the water in the harbor. The novelty of a different atmosphere made it charming and we shared jokes and conversation at our table. He reminded me of a fine whiskey that acquires subtle nuances and character as it slowly ages, clearly attractive with more to offer each day. My best friend.

Upon arrival at the House of Blues, we were escorted to prime seating next to the lighting tech within excellent view of the stage. My foot surgery was clearly a perk! Unusual paintings covered the ceiling, meant to evoke images from New Orleans and a standing room only venue lay the canvas for the night. The cocktail server and I put our heads together for a moment, resulting in a fabulous Southern Comfort, Sprite, and a lime that had a good wallop to it. Ah yes, now I could settle in and anticipate what lay ahead.

The opening band took the stage and by the second song I began to pay closer attention as I heard some influences of the Ramones, Stones, U2, and others. The singer had a classic rock and roll scream that he used at just the right moments to add flavor to the songs. I was moving in my seat.  Definitely impressive. The name was unusual, Bass Drum of Death. Go figure.

School Days

I knew that the fall would bring many changes to our lives, London would begin Kindergarten and Zoe would start preschool. Our lazy mornings would suddenly take shape around a clock and lunches would be packed in Hello Kitty and the Littlest Pet Shop bags. We savored our beach days and readily accepted pool date offers from friends in an effort to stockpile the fun and sunshine into our very beings. As we transitioned into our new schedules, we discovered exciting new things, people and opportunities.

London met a great friend the very first day of school, Keira. They began talking outside the classroom while hanging up their backpacks. It was a sweet moment as I watched my daughter make her first new school friend and I was proud of how she introduced herself and took on this unknown territory with a shy confidence and strength. Kindergarten turned out to be her total cup of tea. London loves the wheel program that teaches her computers, sports and music. She comes home with stories about her teachers and classmates, as well as tons of facts and figures that she learned. It's exciting for me to experience with her in so many ways.

Helping out in London's classroom gave me a better idea of what her day is like and what she is learning. Pre-reading, beginning addition and subtraction, and sorting of patterns were some of the items being taught. I particularly enjoyed working with small groups and helping the students fill in their word sheets with silly games and crayons. These five year old's are magical, funny, and endearing. One of my favorite moments was when London walked up to her class in the morning and a group of girls came up, said hello to her and gave her good morning hugs. She had a big smile and it made me so content for her.

Zoe began preschool and found herself at home with the cinnamon play dough and art supplies. She was a little quiet and careful about investigating her environment and the children around her. Zoe wasn't going to dive in and be her zany self right off the bat, it would require some acclimation. As the weeks went by, she found her comfort zone. One day when I arrived a few minutes early to pick her up, I watched from the door while crouching down and to the side to avoid being spotted by her. I was not the only mom doing this.  She was holding hands with two other girls and jumping up and down laughing her head off as they played a game together of "dance to red light green light". That's the Zoe we know and love!

To be continued...

Family

The green trees, a lighter shade of green with lots of yellow in it instead of forest green, stays on my mind. The soft grasses, large space between houses and a feeling of openness are what I keep remembering about going to Boston. A suburb just outside of the city was our destination and it felt like I was 3,000 miles from home. Part of me feels at home on the East Coast because I spent a great deal of time growing up there, in various states, and it is familiar in little ways. The accents, the city life, and the landscape stay with me.

The purpose of the trip was to see my 95 year-old grandmother and to introduce her to Zoe for the first time. Gramma had only met London once on her first birthday and we hadn’t seen her since. I cannot imagine having a great granddaughter and not meeting her. We had to fix that. Gramma fell in love in the first three minutes as soon as the girls both ran up to her and gave her a hug of their own accord. It was a sweet moment. The city is charming as expected. Historical brownstone buildings covered in ivy, intricate ironwork on the stairs outside, and gardens that rest atop the buildings for the fortunate ones that can live there. The Commons is a gorgeous park in the center of the city that houses friendly squirrels and is filled with dogs out for a stroll on leash. Boston is a smaller version of New York with shorter buildings and more charm. Scott and I could have spent days exploring and photographing the old churches and life in the streets.

 My Cousin Emmy gave me a huge hug when I saw her and it was like old times again. We always pick up where we left off and talk at an accelerated pace with an explosion of things to share with each other. She feels like family to me and it’s fun to be together. Her dog is considered a German Shepard but I think he is a scientific experiment of a new breed. His size far surpasses that of any German I’ve ever seen before. He is mammoth!!!! He kept licking little Zoe’s face and was a total love. Awesome dog.

My Uncle Paul and I only met once before, nearly twenty years ago. He and his wife Jean invited us for a family breakfast on the last morning of our visit. We pulled up to a charming house that was built in 1860 and a matching barn sat beside it. A large front and back yard surrounded it with a pink Dogwood tree nearby. Colorful fish swam around in the coi pond in the front. The home was cozy and filled with beautiful stained glass pieces that Jean has crafted over the years. I was surprised to see some art from my dad and my grandfather on the walls as well. There isn’t much of it to see now, so it’s special to get a glimpse of.

Our family had breakfast together and then went outside to see my uncle’s bees up close. He encased me in a special suit and then guided me through the process of checking on the bee’s production and see if the Queen’s had been released yet. It was a new experience for me and I liked the excitement of trying something new. Things went smoothly and no stingers were lost that morning. The girls chased each other in the grassy back yard and then gave Morgan, the Golden Retriever, a lot of attention. This was a normal day in so many ways but very special for all of us. I was sad to leave because I know we could have enjoyed more family time but I was grateful for the experiences that we did have together. My grandmother now knows her great-grandchildren and that is so important.

A Change Is Gonna Come

As I walked into the local elementary school, I felt mixed emotions. Was I ready for this? Was she ready for this? I signed in and waited for the kindergarten tour to begin. The principal greeted us and we began to view the five different classrooms, observing the teachers and students on an average school day. I saw little six year old's interacting with each other in groups, working on projects and writing on notebooks and small dry erase boards. They looked happy and engaged. This reassured me and I began to relax a little as I envisioned my daughter there doing the same things. The teachers had colorful, relevant classrooms with visual learning aids on the walls and cute little desks and chairs.

I flashed back to a memory of being seven years old and seeing an art easel for the first time with paint and brushes sticking out of it. I was drawn to that room and wanted to jump in and create. Back to the present, I noted that London would be perfectly at home here and it was a natural progression from where she is now, mentally and age-wise. She would thrive with the new challenges and increased opportunities. Calm began to settle in.

It is bittersweet to watch one's baby grow, joyous and yet painful because you know that this time will never return. It will manifest itself in the person she becomes and in the personality and choices that she makes. I am proud of who she is now and who she is becoming. I am excited to see what each day brings and how she is so lucky to know God at such an early age and how that will guide her and give her the greatest foundation possible.

Green Day

London was bursting with excitement as she told me about the leprechaun that had run rampant in her classroom, leaving a trail of green footprints, overturned objects, and general messiness in its path. She told me a run-on sentence about setting traps for it and how the leprechaun was so small, silly, tricky and messy. Her best friend then told me in a whisper that the leprechaun had visited her house and used the bathroom, leaving behind green water. Zoe quickly became interested in this tale and joined in her sister's enthusiasm.

While the girls were out of the house for a bit, I found green objects in our house and planted them carefully in various spots that would catch the girls eyes. Green mardi gras beads, bracelets, and a toy car were some of the items we found. Lastly, we checked our bathroom and sure enough, the little green trickster had visited and taken a bathroom break, leaving us with green water!

In school, St. Patrick's day was about green clothing and people pinching each other. In college it was about green beer and green food. Now, it's more fun that ever before because the kids are so excited about something that they believe in wholeheartedly. This little green person is completely real to them and they are hyped about it. How cool is that?

Battle Lines Were Drawn...

After a creative lull and lots of happy distractions, I'm back!!! There are so many things I want to do, my list is too big for the paper and I'm scheming ways to carve out time for all of it. Take a class, do my sketches, work on writing, stop worrying about whether I'm good enough at writing, enjoy painting regardless of the outcome, and read the six books by my bedside collecting dust. How? I have a plan...a little less t.v. should do the trick.

Ok, what's happening in pink wonderland with the two firecrackers? They are: growing taller, feistier, funnier, more eloquent, negotiating more effectively, exasperating, goofier and exciting. They are inquisitive and love to cook, to watch me cook, to do things themselves.

Any embarassing moments lately? Ah yes, just had one today! We were at Jimbo's and the girls were pushing miniature shopping carts. Things went south when Zoe wanted to put the 1/2 pint of macaroni and cheese in her cart and London protested. They began a full scale argument like two wild women desperate over the last morsel of food on earth and both DETERMINED to put it in their own shopping cart. This would have been amusing if I was not the mom of the two little girls at war with each other, yelling and screaming. I scooped up the smallest one and headed for the checkout while heads turned and people contained their thoughts as best as they could. I actually got a few reassuring smiles from women which did make me feel a little better.

We paid, sat down at a table, and then managed to have a civilized lunch free from empassioned discourse between a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Hallelujah. My breathing returned to normal and I got in a few bites for myself. More to follow shortly...

You Heard That?

Crack, snapple, pop! No, it wasn't popcorn. It was my bi-weekly chiropractic treatment and after being put back into place, I headed back to the reception area and chatted with my chiropractor. He chided me for not sitting up straight and asked if my parents taught me that? "No, they were hippies and didn't make a big deal about it" I told him. "Hippies?" He said, laughing? Did they have a bong lying around too?" I laughed and told him "no, but after my mom left my dad there was some of that."

Suddenly, I looked over at the waiting area that is usually empty and it was full of people!!! Several adults just looking at me with various degrees of amusement on their faces after hearing my discussion. I turned bright red and started laughing with embarassment. "Yes, that's right folks, hippies!" The chiropractor and I kept laughing and I said goodbye to everyone and then walked out laughing the whole way to my rental mini-van.

Have I mentioned why I have a rental mini-van? Ahh, yes, let me explain. A few weeks ago I was making a left turn at a light on a green arrow when a car (driven by an under-cover policeman) came out of nowhere at 50 mph, ran a very red light and slammed into the back corner of my car! I was so lucky to escape without any scratches, but it scared the crud out of me. My poor dog Roxy is limping and has shoulder damage. This is the same dog, the money pit, who has been through the gamut already. Sigh. Poor thing. My neck is jacked up and my wrist and hand too, but the amazing thing is that it could have been so much worse. My car is in the shop for three weeks and right now I am enjoying the ease of "magic doors" as my girls like to call them. At least they're having fun with it.

The great thing is that even with all of this, I am still so happy for the little things like going to swim practice and seeing London swim with her arms and legs and move like a dolphin in the water. That makes my day! Zoe and London just doing the silly things that sisters do makes me feel like a ray of sunshine is directly over us and all is right in the world.

More Thoughts on Home and Deep Stuff

I'm still on this discussion of home since we're in the process of selling our house and last week something cool happened. We dropped the girls off in their Sunday school classrooms and as I entered the church foyer, I felt a sense of peace and comfort settle upon me. It felt like home to be there and things took on a clear perspective. This was exactly where I was supposed to be. The buildings that we make into our homes are still buildings. Does it matter if it changes? I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out as I go along.

The memories that I have of bringing my baby girls home from the hospital and the midnight feedings and pacing back and forth barefoot on the wood floors at all hours don't change based on the building that I live in. Our home matters to a certain extent, but the memories stay with us regardless of where we are. There are countless pictures of our families, video footage, and 1003 pages of kid's art to document the journey and help us relive it. Maybe seeing familiar walls enables us to reminisce on the milestones? I'm sure there are cases to be made either way.

The message that revved me up was about writing a good story for your life and how we are living it out. It inspired me to re-think the goals that I have put off into the distant future. Perhaps some of those things can be planted now in some small fashion? I love finding a new perspective, it's like being a kid again and learning something extremely cool and mind-blowing. Now that the week is nearly over, I'm looking forward to next Sunday where I know I can find encouragement, spiritual sustenance, and comfort. It's like I get a mental tune-up every time I go to church and then I think more clearly, for a few days at least. That's where reading one book comes into play. =)

What Is Home?

"The other day I looked at Zoe and said, "what part of no don't you understand? The n or the o?" She turned her big blue eyes toward me and said "the o" without missing a beat. Eeks! It was hilarious, but also a clue as to what's to come and boy am I in trouble. Laugh. Both of my little angels are a constant fluctuation of complete joy and beauty, combined with a good helping of stubbornness and strong little independent spirits. I'm on a wild ride every day.

Life is good here and the newest thing is that we are putting our house up for sale. It's a whirlwind of cleaning, maintaining, and getting mentally ready for the impending roller coaster ride. I'm excited and scared at the same time. This is the home that we brought our baby London back to, and Zoe too. Yes, a home is what you make it and we are not captured here in drywall and flowers, but it is still sentimental. There are memories here in every corner that I can see when I walk around.

However, I look at my kitchen table that cannot be used to eat at because it has become a giant desk and I think how lovely it would be to decorate it with pretty linens and eat at it like civilized people instead of the kids table which I am a bit large for. We seriously need some more space, not tons, just a little more. Common sense tells me that we would be happy together in an igloo because it's the four of us, and Roxy, that make home.

Sometimes I struggle with anxiety and it can be pretty scary, but somehow it was replaced with a sense of purpose and a voice in my head (no jokes please) that is telling me that everything will be alright and to go forward in faith. I know from experience to listen to that voice, it's the one that shows me where to go when I don't know the way and reminds me that everything is possible when I listen to God's plan and not just my own. The other day I imagined what it must be like for those families that suddenly uproot and go to a different country to do missions work. That's a major departure from the comfort zone, but how exciting and fulfilling too. Right now, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other.

Things I didn't Mention

Ok, here's the section with all the gory details of the trip that I didn't talk about yet. My dramamine medicine ran out the first night and I didn't realize that I needed more until it was too late. At dinner time, I took two steps into the restaurant and felt dizzy, nauseous, tingling in my whole body, and ready to faint. I turned around and sat on the ground nearby wondering what to do and how I was going to survive five days of this. Oh man!!! I went back to the room and crawled into my bed, ate a few bites of something and took medicine. The next morning was a vast improvement and the vacation became fun for me.

Ooh, don't let me forget to mention that I had to change Zoe's diaper while wearing a sequin dress and high heels under a stairwell with no wipes and one diaper. Yep, that was fun. The bathroom was far away and we were in the middle of dinner on formal night so I cut a few corners. Another highlight was constantly taking extra boxes of cereal for the girls to snack on. At any given time, I had four boxes of Cheerios, Lucky Charms, or Fruit Loops in my bag for the squirrels to eat. I felt like a thief!

The nightclub was great, my friends and I danced up a storm and acted silly when the 80's music came on, complete with "Thriller" and "Footloose". The penny slots kept calling my name, so I went and tried my luck with great results. After stating that I wanted to be able to scream and shout about winning, I hit two times in a row and earned myself some spending cash! That was exciting and I felt very satisfied.

We were very blessed to go on the trip and share that special time with our family. Regardless of all the little hiccups and speed bumps, we had fun and helped two people join together in marriage on a very beautiful and special day.

The Condensed Version of the Last Four Months

Two birthdays and a vacation later, there are many adventures to catch you up on. London and Zoe recently celebrated their birthdays with friends and family and I learned that blue icing is not my friend when it comes to laundry. The girls were very excited to go on a big ship and I got a gazillion cool pictures from the trip. It was a great experience, with lots of ridiculous mishaps along the way.

Camp Carnival, the kids club on board, not such a success for us. Scott and I would drop them off, take the phone with us that is handed out as an electronic leash for parents, and look at each other with a doubtful expression. Would we really get a break? How long would it last? The first day our phone rang within an hour and we were summoned to pick up Zoe. Ok, no problem. Shortly after, it rang again and this time it was London. Hmm...not what we had envisioned when people said "Oh, they'll have so much fun you'll barely see them!" We retrieved the sibling and headed off to dinner with the girls in tow. They actually did very well sitting in the nice restaurant and having a four course meal. Scott and I ate hot food, can you believe it??? I must give kudos to my husband's parents because they helped out so much the entire time and made it a lot easier for us with the girls.

When we arrived in Cabo, I had to get onto a tender, a small boat that holds about 30 people. I was mortified and pictured myself being sick as a dog, but surprisingly my dramamine worked wonders and it was fun! The wedding was at a gorgeous resort on the sand and London did a fantastic job as flower girl. During the ceremony, she wandered around the sand and picked up white coral that she kept in her basket. It was really sweet to watch. Zoe didn't make it down the aisle due to nerves, but she warmed up to the crowd a little later.

The next day was FREEDOM!!! Scott and I went to the beach and planted ourselves on two lounge chairs while listening to Bob Marley and staring at the horizon. We even managed to go jet skiing together and my husband kept scaring the crud out of me when he went too fast. Sea lions swam around us and we saw a giant rock with the big male surrounded by his group. We had fun together, the best thing you can ask for.

The Pigs Have Been Taken Hostage!

It was a cold, dark morning and the two little pink stuffed pigs sat on the mantle waiting to be rescued and returned to their nice warm bed and their owner, a three year old girl named London. It all began when London refused to stay in bed and go to sleep the night before. Her mommy had resorted to kidnapping the small creatures in retaliation and the little girl learned a lesson. Her animals would suffer for her actions. Sad, but necessary.

When London woke up, she ran to her mommy and asked for her two little pink pigs. She told her mother that they were sad without her and they missed her and the other animals and that they cried. The pigs were returned and the little girl hugged them fiercely and spoke reassuring words to them. It broke the mommy's heart to do this, but it seemed an effective way to teach her daughter to listen. Trial and error. The other animals probably hoped they weren't next!

To be continued...

London's First Performance

Tonight I watched my daughter get up on stage in front of an audience and sing and dance with her preschool class for a Christmas Celebration. London was dressed in a burgundy velvet dress and white tights with little black ballet shoes. She looked happy and focused as she sang the lyrics and followed along with her hands to "Whole World In His Hands". Scott and I were so proud of her as we sat in the second row watching with his parents and little Zoe on their laps in her green velvet dress and red pigtails.

This was the first of many school activities and performances and I was so incredibly happy to be there and to see my little girl up there. Yes, every parent feels this but for me, it's even sweeter because we are making sure that she gets these opportunities that I didn't have and that we know are good for her.

Even the tiniest things make me feel lucky. I love taking them to the bathroom and teaching them how to wash their hands and listening to London sing and discover that her voice sounds good in there. Listening to them make each other laugh while doing the simplest things gives me so much happiness.

Disneyland

The time had come for us to take our first trip to Disneyland. I imagined London meeting the characters and her eyes growing big and full of wonder as she saw the sights for the first time. It was hard for me to go to sleep the night before! We set out the next day on our trip and I felt a tinge of guilt for leaving Zoe behind but kept telling myself that she was still a bit young; she's only a year and a half, and that we would take her next year when she could enjoy more. Truthfully, Scott and I really wanted to focus on London and let her have this special day to herself so she could fully enjoy it without distraction or moody meltdowns from her younger sister.

After a slightly long car ride of an hour and a half, we arrived at the park and went through Main Street. It was fully decorated for Christmas and extremely crowded for a Monday. We went in search of our first ride and settled on the Jungle Cruise. It was cool but I wish I had a mute button for the guy doing the talking in charge of the boat. Really bad jokes. Next we went to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and poor London got scared. We tried to see the Princesses but the wait was an hour long, so we headed off to have a snack and check out ToonTown. It was cute but where were all the characters? Tigger finally surfaced at one spot and he had a crowd around him.

I had promised London that she would meet the fairies, so we set out for Pixie Hollow. It was nice there because the fairie music was playing while we waited and then finally it was our turn. London turned the corner and saw Rosetta and voila! Her eyes got big and she ran toward the fairy and threw her arms around her as she cried out her name! "Rosetta!!!" I felt my heart burst and I felt so much joy for her as she met her hero. They posed for pictures and London talked to her, then headed off to meet Tinkerbell around the corner. Once again, London gave a big hug and a proud smile as she posed for our cameras. The look of sheer happiness and contentment really did make the whole day worthwhile. I will always remember that.

Pirates of the Caribbean was a must for Scott and we got in pretty quickly. I had forgotten the two big drops so that was an exciting surprise that I loved! The restaurant inside there looks so cool and is a definite for next time. London was scared at times but we both held her tight and reassured her. At the end, the parrot told her "good job" and she was so proud of herself for finishing the ride and told us how she was brave.

After a quick pep stop to get two Cafe Mocha's, we spent the later part of our evening at California Adventure and London saw a parade with Woody and Jessie from Toy Story, as well as a few monsters from Monsters Inc. and then we toured the wharf and carnival rides to see the glowing lights at night. It was beautiful and reminded me of the boardwalk attractions on the East Coast when I was little in New Jersey. We took a ride on Heimlich the Caterpillar from Bug's Life and the coolest part was the fact that when we went through the watermelon it actually smelled like one and the cookies too. Very cool. I remember sitting there with London and Scott in the little car and seeing the moon over our head and I felt so happy to have my family and that time together. The only way to top it is to go back next year with Zoe and have all four of us together. This story to be continued in 365 days...